We are finally getting nearer to the end of winter than the beginning, and how grateful I am for that because what a dreary winter it has been! Stormy, smoggy, an inversion that just sucked the life out of everything..., too many days without sunshine, and man, did I feel it!
My depression is not SAD {seasonal affected disorder}, but this winter has been long and has definitely impacted my mental state. I'm sure I'm not the only one who felt it.
Every person is different, and I don't presume to speak for anyone else who suffers from depression. {And I acknowledge that there is a difference between those who have clinical depression, and those who are simply chronically negative or persistently pessimistic. There is something to be said about setting boundaries and protecting our own hearts when dealing with the latter type of people.}
But I thought that I would write a little today about what my experience is/has been like, in the hopes that maybe it can be of some use to someone someday. I'm not going to cover too much of what I feel or have felt when I'm in the middle of the lows (you can click the label "depression" to read some previous posts about that), but what I want to share today is more about helping those around us who are fighting their battle with the beast. Depression doesn't only impact the depressed.
If you have a friend/sister/loved one who is suffering from depression consider these thoughts:
How open has she been about it to you? If she's willing to tell people that she suffers from depression, that makes it a little easier. Just let her talk about it without judgement or trying to fix it. I know this can be difficult, especially if you don't have a tendency to depression yourself or haven't had much exposure to it. If you find yourself feeling impatient with the depressed, step back and love her from a greater distance. It's easy to feel like she is just not willing to try and get better, but it's a complicated issue that messes with the brain so much! Don't judge. Don't push. Just love. And pray.
When I finally let a few people know about my struggle, I found the hardest thing would be people telling me what I should be doing to get over it. I could barely do the basic functions of keeping my family going, so don't tell me I should start walking or eating better or go to therapy. :)
Please also be careful not to imply that simply praying and reading the scriptures or going to the temple will "fix" their depression. Light can overcome darkness, I know, but depression is like a blindfold. And to suggest that if we just have enough faith, and seek answers from those sources that all will be well, diminishes the reality of actual clinical depression - the reality that sometimes (and for many reasons), our brains just don't produce the correct balance of chemicals. And no matter how bright the light might be, our blindfold is simply on too firmly. Sometimes the only way to untie the knot is medication or therapy or simply the passage of time.
Offer your presence but don't be hurt if she doesn't want to face anyone.
Sunshine is huge. Days like today, if you have time, sit with her outside or just send her a message to try and get her face in the sun for a few minutes even. If the inversion has covered the sun, maybe a drive to Suncrest or up the canyon to sunshine and blue sky can help.
The main thing is to just let her know you do not think she is at fault for feeling how she does. If she asks about medication, that's a great sign - encourage that. If the spirit prompts you, you can suggest it. Her regular dr can prescribe it. It doesn't even have to be in addition to counseling to start. Sometimes we need chemical help to just get us to a place that we can do some of the other natural remedies like exercise and diet and therapy.
I firmly believe that if we are prayerful about how to help someone we love overcome depression, we will be led by the Spirit. I can't tell you how many times a friend would text me at just the right moment, or a sister or my mom would call me and end up saying just the right thing. Sometimes it was just the fact that someone outside my house was thinking about me and caring about me that would get me through one more day.
There is grace in the atonement. It is sufficient to cover everything. We don't get to judge. We get to love. We covenanted to bear one another's burdens and to mourn with those that mourn. Trust me, when we are cloaked in depression, we are mourning the person that we were before, and that cloak is a heavy burden. Sometimes, for some, it becomes unbearable. And we don't get to judge even that.
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