Whew. This morning was rough.
You guys.
You would think that by now I would have my crap together on this parenting thing. I mean, honestly. But there are days when I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing! Please just tell me that all of you amazing moms are just faking it.
The thing that's so frustrating with today, is that it wasn't even the worst that it's been recently. Does that even make sense? Other days/weeks have been so much worse, but today, my coping ability seems to have bottomed out.
Do you remember the movie "Return to Me"? The one where Minnie Driver gets a new heart, and then ends up falling in love with her donor's widower? There is a scene in there after her transplant when she is at the doctor's office for a check up and they ask her how she's doing. She says something to the effect that because she has this new heart, and it was such a miracle, and a new chance at life - that she didn't feel like she didn't have any right to complain about anything in her life. Like being lonely, or stuck, or frustrated.
That's kind of how I feel about my life. I have been so incredibly blessed. I don't have the right to feel dissatisfied or unhappy, but right now, I guess I am just suffering from the blahs.
And it's not just me apparently.
I read a post my son put on facebook earlier today, and it just broke. my. heart. I know it's just a momentary feeling, and that he's fine - really - but knowing that the kids (not just him) are all dealing with various issues is crazy hard for this mom.
Here's the thing though. There is hope. Because I know it's just a rough patch. I know it will pass. I know I'm insanely, undeservedly blessed. And most of all, I know that there is a plan for my life (and my children's lives), and that there is a loving Heavenly Father and Savior who are partners with me in helping us all to reach our potential.
Without that knowledge and hope, I don't know how I would EVER survive this parenting gig. Because even knowing all of those things, it's kicking my butt.
So, those days where you feel like you are crazy woman, or failing this mom thing; remember, you are not the only one, and you are not Alone.
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-erika