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| Some sheer cliffs at the top of Soapstone (off the Mirror Lake Highway) |
This is what happens when you bare your soul to the world {however small a number of actual readers it may be}
- you think, "what did I just do??"
- you feel utterly and completely exhausted from the emotional process
- you feel utterly and completely vulnerable
- you cry when the messages and comments and texts start to come in and people tell you how much they love you
- you feel sheepish thinking that maybe people are going to think you are just out for sympathy or attention
- you worry about being judged
- you worry that now people are going to look at you like you are broken or worse - unstable
- you cry when you get a hug from your dad and you see the tears in his eyes because he can't fix it
- you cry when you realize that you made your husband/family/friends feel bad because they worry that they are part of the reason for the depression {they aren't}
- you wish you could take it back
- you take comfort from the words of your sweet mom/sisters/friends
- you hope that you can endure it well and that the experience is not wasted - that the lessons to be learned will shape and mold you into the person that you are meant to become
Lest you worry that this blog is going to be a place of constant angst and struggle, be assured that it is not. I will share parts of this journey through depression, but I will also continue to share stories about my family, home, and projects {because those are the only things that keep me functional}. I don't want to focus just on the hard parts, but on the hopeful and joyful parts of my life as well. Because they are still there - those little tender mercies, the every day moments - And I don't want to get to the other side of this and forget that even through the darkest parts of my life, there was light.
And there is. There is always light - even if just a glimmer.
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