As I sit here looking around my family room, I am seeing piles of clean laundry - folded into individual stacks, ready for the owners to take them to their rooms - that have been sitting on the ottoman for 3 days now, empty soda cans, a nearly empty sleeve of saltines, a bottle of honey, an overflowing garbage can, an overturned laundry basket filled with balloons.... and that's just right in front of me.
Upstairs, there is an equally frustrating mess with homework papers strewn about, garbage that needs to go out, clothes that need to be picked up from the bathroom floor, coats just placed wherever, shoes left in the middle of the floor, a basketball rolling around aimlessly, dishes in sink - waiting for the clean dishes in the dishwasher to be put away -, empty containers left in the cupboards/fridge/pantry.
If you are friends with me on facebook, you know that last night I declared that the empty gogurt box left in the fridge was the last straw and that I was going on a "mom strike". It was the one that was going to break me.
As I sat down, and looked around me at my older kids and husband contentedly watching a recorded basketball game, something inside of me broke.
I calmly told them I was going to bed. So I left the room, got a hot shower, and went to bed. As I lay there, my kids came in one at a time to ask if I was ok. I made one or two comments about how I just wished that they could look around them more - not wanting to get into it. They left. John came in and that's when the tears started and I vented my frustration about not being able to function in this house, that I am a failure because I haven't taught my kids to clean up without being nagged within an inch of their lives, that I can't make my life be what I want it to be.... and then because I know there wasn't anything he could say to make it better, I told him to just chalk it up to pms and let it pass.
He left, and that's when I really started to cry. Sometimes moms just need a really good, hard cry, right? So, I just let it out. And as the storm started to pass, I heard movement upstairs, and began to hope that maybe they got it. Maybe, just maybe they were looking around them and were going to clean up the house as some sort of "we get it, we are so sorry, you are the best mom, we will never leave out what could be put away again" gesture.
Obviously, from my opening descriptions, that simply wasn't the case. So here we are. Sitting in a mess.
I know it is simply not in the nature of a child to spontaneously clean up after themselves. It is a skill that must be taught. And if my kids were still in the "littles" stages, I could pick myself up, and determine that it is time for some changes. But because my kids are older - and STILL so completely unaware of the mess around them (that THEY create 90% of the time) - I am finding that I have nothing and no one to blame but myself for the way things are. And I hate that! My mom will say that it's not too late, and that I can still pick myself up and determine to change things. And she's right. And I will.
But right now, this is where I am. I am broken hearted that I have created selfish, oblivious, lazy children. Sounds a little harsh, I know. But I also know that if anything is to change, you have to face reality so that you know where you are starting from.
I feel a little like a drama queen right now, but the emotions of it all are running a little high. I even hesitate to actually publish this post, but then, maybe if any other moms out there are feeling like me or have ever felt like I feel now, there could be comfort in knowing that you are not the only one to be broken by an empty container left in the fridge. Or by a coat or shoes left on the floor. Or whatever that seemingly small thing it is that you blow up over -- because it isn't really about the mess. It's about feeling taken for granted. It's about feeling unappreciated. It is about feeling like a failure. And it is about the fear you feel when you think about the type of person you are helping to create in your child.
So. I simply must go now, but I will be continuing to explore this situation and the things I plan to do about it in later posts. If nothing else, know you're not the only one to lose it. But at the end of it, all is not lost. There is hope.
Upstairs, there is an equally frustrating mess with homework papers strewn about, garbage that needs to go out, clothes that need to be picked up from the bathroom floor, coats just placed wherever, shoes left in the middle of the floor, a basketball rolling around aimlessly, dishes in sink - waiting for the clean dishes in the dishwasher to be put away -, empty containers left in the cupboards/fridge/pantry.
If you are friends with me on facebook, you know that last night I declared that the empty gogurt box left in the fridge was the last straw and that I was going on a "mom strike". It was the one that was going to break me.
As I sat down, and looked around me at my older kids and husband contentedly watching a recorded basketball game, something inside of me broke.
I calmly told them I was going to bed. So I left the room, got a hot shower, and went to bed. As I lay there, my kids came in one at a time to ask if I was ok. I made one or two comments about how I just wished that they could look around them more - not wanting to get into it. They left. John came in and that's when the tears started and I vented my frustration about not being able to function in this house, that I am a failure because I haven't taught my kids to clean up without being nagged within an inch of their lives, that I can't make my life be what I want it to be.... and then because I know there wasn't anything he could say to make it better, I told him to just chalk it up to pms and let it pass.
He left, and that's when I really started to cry. Sometimes moms just need a really good, hard cry, right? So, I just let it out. And as the storm started to pass, I heard movement upstairs, and began to hope that maybe they got it. Maybe, just maybe they were looking around them and were going to clean up the house as some sort of "we get it, we are so sorry, you are the best mom, we will never leave out what could be put away again" gesture.
Obviously, from my opening descriptions, that simply wasn't the case. So here we are. Sitting in a mess.
I know it is simply not in the nature of a child to spontaneously clean up after themselves. It is a skill that must be taught. And if my kids were still in the "littles" stages, I could pick myself up, and determine that it is time for some changes. But because my kids are older - and STILL so completely unaware of the mess around them (that THEY create 90% of the time) - I am finding that I have nothing and no one to blame but myself for the way things are. And I hate that! My mom will say that it's not too late, and that I can still pick myself up and determine to change things. And she's right. And I will.
But right now, this is where I am. I am broken hearted that I have created selfish, oblivious, lazy children. Sounds a little harsh, I know. But I also know that if anything is to change, you have to face reality so that you know where you are starting from.
I feel a little like a drama queen right now, but the emotions of it all are running a little high. I even hesitate to actually publish this post, but then, maybe if any other moms out there are feeling like me or have ever felt like I feel now, there could be comfort in knowing that you are not the only one to be broken by an empty container left in the fridge. Or by a coat or shoes left on the floor. Or whatever that seemingly small thing it is that you blow up over -- because it isn't really about the mess. It's about feeling taken for granted. It's about feeling unappreciated. It is about feeling like a failure. And it is about the fear you feel when you think about the type of person you are helping to create in your child.
So. I simply must go now, but I will be continuing to explore this situation and the things I plan to do about it in later posts. If nothing else, know you're not the only one to lose it. But at the end of it, all is not lost. There is hope.
Comments
Love you!!