I sat down a good hour and a half ago to start posting on the blog here, but instead, I found myself getting sucked into reading a bunch of my bookmarked blogs. I tell you what, there is so much out there! It's easy to get caught up in it all.
but anyway...
I am really no closer to making a decision about homeschool. From day to day I feel differently. Possibly that means that either decision is ok? Possibly.
At the very least, this whole debate has made me more aware of my desires as a mother to raise responsible, respectful and fulfilled children (I say fulfilled meaning that I want them to know HOW to feel fulfilled). I don't think that homeschool is the only means to this end.
Creating a life of intention is the means to that end. By defining my goals. By being specific and deliberate in my choices. By being willing to do the hard things - even when it means that my kids are mad at me. I suppose that when they are mad at me it means I'm doing my job.
My job as their mother is not to fulfill their every whim. It is perfectly acceptable to tell my child that they simply cannot participate in "x,y,z" because we can't afford it, or we don't have the time! My child will learn that they are not the center of the universe. They will understand the sacrifice it takes for those things that they DO get to participate in. And maybe, if they care enough, or are passionate enough, they can work towards paying for some things themselves...! If I give in to my kids' every wish, they will think that everything they want is owed to them. Even if they say thank you or act like they are grateful, they will still think that they "deserve" to have whatever they want.
Even if I choose to continue to send my kids to school, I am still their mother. And ultimately I bear the bulk of the responsibility of being their mother. I should be the one to teach them important life lessons - but that will only happen if and only if I put in the effort. By creating a standard of expectations. By having rules and sticking to them. Even when it's not popular or fun. Even when other options come up.
Every time I tell my daughter that she has to clean her room after school - but then allow her to hang out with friends instead - undermines me, and teaches her that she really doesn't have to take care of her things, or that chores and rules only apply when there's nothing better to do.
Enforcing these types of standards and rules though, will require me to live up to those same standards. If laundry or housework needs to be done, but I want to go out instead, I can't very well expect my kids to learn the lesson of "work first, play second". And if I consistently have an unmade bed or clothes on my floor, I can't really expect them to keep their things taken care of...
This is all sounding very harsh and regimented. I don't mean to imply that I wouldn't have any room for spontaneous fun or play (even if it means dishes left in the sink). But I know that my own habits have been very lax. And I think that part of this whole homeschool debate is because I am having the desire to feel like I am really doing my job. That I am producing children that will know how to meet their obligations, work hard, and be content.
I know that neither choice I make - homeschool or public school - will make me a bad mother. But abdicating my role as a mother to the school system would. I don't feel like a bad mother now, but I know I can be better. It's just a matter of redefining and readjusting HOW I mother. If I love my children (and I do!), then I will be willing to do the hard things. But like with everything in life - if it doesn't require anything of us, we don't really get any satisfaction out of it.
but anyway...
I am really no closer to making a decision about homeschool. From day to day I feel differently. Possibly that means that either decision is ok? Possibly.
At the very least, this whole debate has made me more aware of my desires as a mother to raise responsible, respectful and fulfilled children (I say fulfilled meaning that I want them to know HOW to feel fulfilled). I don't think that homeschool is the only means to this end.
Creating a life of intention is the means to that end. By defining my goals. By being specific and deliberate in my choices. By being willing to do the hard things - even when it means that my kids are mad at me. I suppose that when they are mad at me it means I'm doing my job.
My job as their mother is not to fulfill their every whim. It is perfectly acceptable to tell my child that they simply cannot participate in "x,y,z" because we can't afford it, or we don't have the time! My child will learn that they are not the center of the universe. They will understand the sacrifice it takes for those things that they DO get to participate in. And maybe, if they care enough, or are passionate enough, they can work towards paying for some things themselves...! If I give in to my kids' every wish, they will think that everything they want is owed to them. Even if they say thank you or act like they are grateful, they will still think that they "deserve" to have whatever they want.
Even if I choose to continue to send my kids to school, I am still their mother. And ultimately I bear the bulk of the responsibility of being their mother. I should be the one to teach them important life lessons - but that will only happen if and only if I put in the effort. By creating a standard of expectations. By having rules and sticking to them. Even when it's not popular or fun. Even when other options come up.
Every time I tell my daughter that she has to clean her room after school - but then allow her to hang out with friends instead - undermines me, and teaches her that she really doesn't have to take care of her things, or that chores and rules only apply when there's nothing better to do.
Enforcing these types of standards and rules though, will require me to live up to those same standards. If laundry or housework needs to be done, but I want to go out instead, I can't very well expect my kids to learn the lesson of "work first, play second". And if I consistently have an unmade bed or clothes on my floor, I can't really expect them to keep their things taken care of...
This is all sounding very harsh and regimented. I don't mean to imply that I wouldn't have any room for spontaneous fun or play (even if it means dishes left in the sink). But I know that my own habits have been very lax. And I think that part of this whole homeschool debate is because I am having the desire to feel like I am really doing my job. That I am producing children that will know how to meet their obligations, work hard, and be content.
I know that neither choice I make - homeschool or public school - will make me a bad mother. But abdicating my role as a mother to the school system would. I don't feel like a bad mother now, but I know I can be better. It's just a matter of redefining and readjusting HOW I mother. If I love my children (and I do!), then I will be willing to do the hard things. But like with everything in life - if it doesn't require anything of us, we don't really get any satisfaction out of it.
Comments
xoxo,
Amy