Our Greatest Fear

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous,
talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,
we unconsciously give other people
permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.

—Marianne Williamson

You wouldn't think that finding your passion and yourself would be such a scary thing. But it is. I am scared. Equally scared of succeeding as of failing. At whatever I choose to attempt.

I had an amazing talk with my sister yesterday, and it has affected me deeply. I think I have been looking at my weight (and attempts to lose it) as a distraction from the things that are really lacking in me.

I know that there are things that I am supposed to be doing with my life, and I think that I have been using my weight to mask them. As in, "if I am not happy with my life, it must be because I am overweight" kind of thinking.

When in reality, I am not fully happy because I am not living up to the measure of my creation.

I have been lazy.

That is really what it comes down to.

So, I am shifting my focus. I am going to look away from my weight (and all the negative voices that come with that) and look towards developing the skills that will help me become the person I want to be inside. And maybe as I become more satisfied with myself, the weight thing will take care of itself. But even if it doesn't, by discovering my potential, maybe I will be better equipped to focus back on the weight when that time comes.

There are many things that I will be judged by, and I guess I'm finally realizing that my jean size isn't going to condemn me to a lower kingdom. (at least, i hope not. and if it is, then it should really be clearly stated somewhere...)