The events of the past weekend have been crazy and emotional and difficult and beautiful. I debated about what to include in this post - do I share the events at the hospital, do I just express my gratitude? I decided to share a little about the events that transpired - if you happen to not want to know, skip this post, but there's not really any gory details, just a brief peek into what we experienced. If you choose to skip this post, please know of my love and gratitude to all of you wonderful friends who have shown so much compassion and love to us at this time...
Thursday night John and I took my kids to my parent's house to sleep, and we left for the hospital at around 10:30 pm. We got checked in and hooked up to an IV pretty quickly, and they started the drugs to induce labor at around 12:30 or so. As the contractions and cramping started, I was given a very nice drug that did funny things to my head and made me sleep for about an hour at a time, at which point the cramping would wake me up and I would be given another dose of pain meds. This went on for most of the day on Friday.
All of the nurses were very kind and compassionate. They let me be as emotional or unemotional as I needed to be. And it was strange, because through much of the day, I think I was just numb. Not many tears were shed.
It was a very long day. The longest of all my deliveries, ironically. Finally at about 4:00 pm on Friday I delivered the baby. It was a boy. I didn't want to see him, but I did look at his little hand and foot. So tiny! But a baby.
The placenta would not come, so after all that, we ended up having to do a d&c. Down to the OR we went at around 7:30ish (I think, I can't really remember) and under general anesthesia I went. Moments later, I was finished, and taken back to the Labor and Delivery floor to recover and spend one more night at the hospital.
Our nurse, Laura, was so wonderful. She brought in the box of mementos that they give in this situation, and had done some footprints. She slipped a note into the box, and I was again amazed at the compassion of strangers. The doctor who attended was perfect. She was gentle, and sympathetic and I just was so grateful to her.
Saturday morning we decided it was time to come home (largely triggered by the unappetizing smell emanating from my breakfast tray - funny - I hadn't eaten since thursday at 4pm, but I still couldn't bring myself to eat that food!). So, we came home, showered off the hospital smell, and went to pick up the kids.
I have to say, that while we were gone on Friday, my wonderful mom, sisters and sisters-in-law came and cleaned my house from top to bottom. Laundry was done, even ironing! My house hasn't looked this good since we moved in... I will be forever grateful for this act of service from my wonderful family. I really felt the spirit of their love when we came in and wandered from room to room. Flowers, and a beautiful picture were the finishing touches and brought tears to my eyes.
Throughout the entire weekend, we have received calls and texts from people in the ward expressing their concern and love. I was amazed by the outpouring of love and it was a great strength to us while we were in the hospital.
Many people have dropped by with flowers and cards, cookies, and dinners. I just cannot express enough the gratitude that I feel. I truly, truly am touched. The comments on my last post have been so sweet, and John said that at church he couldn't walk 5 steps without someone stopping him expressing their concern and sympathy. We are so grateful.
This experience has been and continues to be difficult and surreal. There are moments when I am fine, and can do what I gotta do, and other moments when I want to curl up and just sleep until this makes sense. I don't know how to express the emotions of what this has been like. But it helped when John said yesterday "You had a baby." You know, in all of the craziness, I had forgotten that.
We were able to have a really good lesson with the kids last night about how we'll be able to see this baby again some day, and that we'll know him, and he'll know us. There was a strong spirit in our house as we had our Family Home Evening. This has been a great opportunity to express again to our kids the love their Heavenly Father has for them, and the ways that He has given us to have comfort in difficult times.
I am so grateful for my testimony of the gospel. I am so grateful that I have a Savior who knows me and understands my grief. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have of the Plan of Salvation. All of these things give me strength and buoy me up at this time. And like John said, it's nice that we don't have to go through stuff like this alone.
Thursday night John and I took my kids to my parent's house to sleep, and we left for the hospital at around 10:30 pm. We got checked in and hooked up to an IV pretty quickly, and they started the drugs to induce labor at around 12:30 or so. As the contractions and cramping started, I was given a very nice drug that did funny things to my head and made me sleep for about an hour at a time, at which point the cramping would wake me up and I would be given another dose of pain meds. This went on for most of the day on Friday.
All of the nurses were very kind and compassionate. They let me be as emotional or unemotional as I needed to be. And it was strange, because through much of the day, I think I was just numb. Not many tears were shed.
It was a very long day. The longest of all my deliveries, ironically. Finally at about 4:00 pm on Friday I delivered the baby. It was a boy. I didn't want to see him, but I did look at his little hand and foot. So tiny! But a baby.
The placenta would not come, so after all that, we ended up having to do a d&c. Down to the OR we went at around 7:30ish (I think, I can't really remember) and under general anesthesia I went. Moments later, I was finished, and taken back to the Labor and Delivery floor to recover and spend one more night at the hospital.
Our nurse, Laura, was so wonderful. She brought in the box of mementos that they give in this situation, and had done some footprints. She slipped a note into the box, and I was again amazed at the compassion of strangers. The doctor who attended was perfect. She was gentle, and sympathetic and I just was so grateful to her.
Saturday morning we decided it was time to come home (largely triggered by the unappetizing smell emanating from my breakfast tray - funny - I hadn't eaten since thursday at 4pm, but I still couldn't bring myself to eat that food!). So, we came home, showered off the hospital smell, and went to pick up the kids.
I have to say, that while we were gone on Friday, my wonderful mom, sisters and sisters-in-law came and cleaned my house from top to bottom. Laundry was done, even ironing! My house hasn't looked this good since we moved in... I will be forever grateful for this act of service from my wonderful family. I really felt the spirit of their love when we came in and wandered from room to room. Flowers, and a beautiful picture were the finishing touches and brought tears to my eyes.
Throughout the entire weekend, we have received calls and texts from people in the ward expressing their concern and love. I was amazed by the outpouring of love and it was a great strength to us while we were in the hospital.
Many people have dropped by with flowers and cards, cookies, and dinners. I just cannot express enough the gratitude that I feel. I truly, truly am touched. The comments on my last post have been so sweet, and John said that at church he couldn't walk 5 steps without someone stopping him expressing their concern and sympathy. We are so grateful.
This experience has been and continues to be difficult and surreal. There are moments when I am fine, and can do what I gotta do, and other moments when I want to curl up and just sleep until this makes sense. I don't know how to express the emotions of what this has been like. But it helped when John said yesterday "You had a baby." You know, in all of the craziness, I had forgotten that.
We were able to have a really good lesson with the kids last night about how we'll be able to see this baby again some day, and that we'll know him, and he'll know us. There was a strong spirit in our house as we had our Family Home Evening. This has been a great opportunity to express again to our kids the love their Heavenly Father has for them, and the ways that He has given us to have comfort in difficult times.
I am so grateful for my testimony of the gospel. I am so grateful that I have a Savior who knows me and understands my grief. I am grateful for the knowledge that I have of the Plan of Salvation. All of these things give me strength and buoy me up at this time. And like John said, it's nice that we don't have to go through stuff like this alone.
Comments
Thanks so much for sharing something so personal. You are an amazing woman. I am amazed at the strength you are showing through such a difficult time. We love you.
No one should have to endure the loss of their child.
We love you guys.