You know how I have battled this cruel voice. These demons in my head. The ones that tell me I'm not enough - and worse - that I am worthless. The one that insists that whatever good I am is negated by the fat shell that houses me.
But I am no longer willing to give power to that voice. I am fighting back. I am battling for my soul. And for the souls of my daughters and of the girls I work with at church.
Because the truth is, I DO know who I am. At least the who that matters. Whatever labels or roles I take on in this life, ultimately, I am a daughter of God. I am divine. I am royal.
We all are.
And every day, I will fight for that identity. The cost to my spirit when I forget or ignore that is too high of a price to pay, and I do not want my daughters to suffer and bear that burden themselves as they become women.
It's time for me to teach them that no matter my size, no matter my talents, no matter what any other deficits I possess - I AM ENOUGH.
THEY ARE ENOUGH.
YOU. ARE ENOUGH.
We live in a society that seems to have one purpose - to convince us of our inadequacy. The basis of our economy is to make us think that we aren't as thin as... need to have as much as.... don't have the right..... The achievement of success is an ever moving goal-line that no one can ever really cross. It's exhausting and disheartening. And I want to get off that hamster wheel.
Over the next days and weeks, I am going to be embarking on an in depth study of wholeness and mindfulness. The plan is to read and implement as much as I can into my daily life in order to achieve peace. Ultimately, I believe it will lead to a healthier lifestyle and some weight loss, but the real success will come when I can say in all honesty and sincerity that I am enough and that I deserve kindness and even love from myself. No matter what.
I'm not sure how much of the process will be shared here, but I hope to be able to report at least sporadically on the progress. Or share some nuggets of insight from my reading. But I just felt like I needed to declare publicly that it's not okay for me (or anyone) to be so viciously cruel - and that I'm done. Join me?
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